Friday, December 17, 2010

So Tim and I are over. You already know that. Before it happened I had a lot of heavy thinking I needed to do. I made the right choice and I'm not at all sorry. I feel it was the right choice and the only choice, in fact. Since the break-up, I've had a lot of things occur to me and I'm feeling in a communicative way. I need to get my thoughts and feelings out, I suppose and this is as good a way as any. :) I always thought Tim and I had the perfect relationship. I thought no one could ever be as happy as the two of us were. Somehow it had happened to me, I'd stumbled onto that one person who would make you feel complete. I was wrong. Tim and I had many problems. I don't blame him for the break-up or myself. I know he blames me, among others. I can live with that. Without even trying, all of these issues from the last five and more years have started to wash over me. Its been a very strange experience. I'm very good at repressing my feelings and this is probably a good example of that. I'm very detached and unemotional about this. Apparently that's unhealthy...I agree.

The first issue that I realized was communication. There was a complete lack of it. Tim wasn't able to open up about any aspect of his life outside of his time with me. I didn't know anything about what went on at school, when he was withdrawing from it or when he had to change majors. None of that I found out from him... I always found out from his mother. I brought that specific issue up several times, but it always ended up with him crying and telling me he told me the important things. I hated seeing him cry. I would melt and not pursue it. That would have been my mistake. To be honest I'm not sure that this was an issue we could have solved. I told him I probably wasn't going to stay with him about a week before I broke it off. He tried to be more communicative, but it was a lot of the same. He texted me more and that was about it. He said more about things that happened in his day, but not much at all and not what I needed. The most open and honest discussion we had in over five years is when we were in the process of breaking up. But then he seemed to be saying whatever he needed to say to make me stay. Some of the things he said were complete opposites of what he had always said, even from a week or so before. Things don't change that quickly. He kept so many things from me. More than just school. His whole life was a mystery to me. His feelings were. I found out that he was atheist/agnostic only a few months ago, and we had discussed religion. He didn't want to tell me because he was afraid I would leave him. I feel like that is something you tell someone even if just to be sharing a feeling. He never told me when he was upset about something. I would be able to tell he was upset and would ask if he was ok and he would say yes I'm fine but I knew better. I would say are you sure? Yes. Are you lying? No. And so I let it go. Those are things you should share with your partner. But we weren't partners. At least not equal ones. He often treated me like a child. What most recently stuck out is he told me I couldn't have wind shield washer fluid for the car because I went through it too fast. We had snow here yesterday and driving home from work last night I couldn't see well out of the windshield because of the salty snow. I could have crashed because he told me I couldn't have it. Made me a little angry last night. That and a snow plow plowing and the snow knocking into me as I drove on the highway.... But Tim didn't have anything to do with that. That wasn't the only instance and yes it sounds a little controlling. I could have bought it myself but it was summer and there wasn't a huge need for it. When Grandpa was in the hospital, I was freaking out and my boss let me leave early. The first thing Tim said was, did you remember to thank her? Make sure to thank her again! As if I wasn't aware that proper social customs say to thank your boss for being awesome...... I had also gotten my car towed a while ago and my friend paid for it to get out because I was broke. Tim told me first off that I did know I had to pay him back right away...right? Once again...really? I'm supposed to do that? I didn't know!!! Bah! He always made it fairly plain that I was not as mature as he is. Given recent events, I'm inclined to vehemently disagree. He and his mother have not been acting in a mature manner by any means.
I feel that from almost the very beginning of the relationship, I had a lack of sufficient support. When I was going through everything before I got kicked out, he never tried to understand why I was doing what I was, or not, as the case was. I explained to him, but he just said I should suck it up. I don't feel like that was the best choice for me, but he disagreed. I didn't really have any choice to be honest. And I took what came to me. I sense he blamed me for the kick-out and in a sense that's true. If I had just allowed myself to be a door mat one more time, maybe I would still be living there... But I would not have progressed any. I have times when I am depressed or dealing with very difficult issues and I have had times when I have broken down. After the first time, over five years ago, he reacted the same way. With a "why don't you just get over this?!" Feeling. He didn't really feel like listening to me when things like my difficulties with my mother bubbled to the surface. He had heard it before so why wasn't I done already? Not good.

It seems that the only thing keeping the relationship moving forward, was me. I had to push so hard for things to happen. There was no natural flow to our relationship. I made the engagement happen. The buying of the ring, the proposal, everything. And even after that I had to make him tell his family. He said just wear the ring, let them think what they want. We still never told his dad. If I mentioned that, I was nagging. I was trying to plan a wedding. He just said he would get around to it. For months. One of my friends had to give him a lecture about being an adult and acting like one and that he was in a relationship now so its what the other person thinks that matters, more than his parents, and still he couldn't be a man. It helped because maybe its right if someone outside the relationship says it... I feel like I stopped loving him years ago but I clung to him because I thought that was it. There couldn't be anyone better. All I did was finally let go. I think that's why as soon as I made my decision to leave him, I suddenly didn't have any feelings. All I did was stop trying. I packed up all the things of his I had and felt nothing. It was annoying to dig through stuff, but that is all I felt. Today I remembered that when we first started dating I couldn't shake the feeling that we only had a short time. I should have remembered that. I feel like I almost wasted five years. I don't think that's true, because now I know what to look for in future relationships. Its good to be able to see what truly went wrong.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Life's Good and Bad...

So its been a little while since I updated, of course. Life has been kinda turned around... So I think I blogged about, or at least told people about how horrible my last job was... It came to a head after I got back from finishing a horrid overnight where I basically didn't sleep the whole 6 days because I couldn't get comfortable anywhere or cuz the dogs would bark incessantly. The last night I was there, I discovered one of the dogs had peed inside......again. And this was about 20 mintues after taking them out. So I was up quite late cleaning it up. Blah. Then the owners came home about 6am and really were neithr trying to be quiet themselves nor attempting to quiet the dogs. So then I go into work extra exhausted on top of my mono-esque exhaustion. I look at the time sheet at the office and my boss had decided I didn't deserve to be paid for two days that I had taken off that I had been told WERE going to be paid, since that's the policy. Except for employees who make mistakes and owe money as I was soon told. No one else was in the office, so I proceeded to flip out. After all the crap my boss had done to me, this was the last straw. I had been counting on that money and wouldn't have taken the days off if they weren't to be paid! So my boss eventually strolls in to the office and I tell her I can't take the crap she's doing to me and that I'm taking a sick day. I was told I didn't get any sick days because I hadn't "earned" them. I worked my butt off for that company, and I'm sorry but yes I had earned them and beyond that, it is in the contract that you get 4 sick days a year. I'd taken one. Ever. So I gathered my things and left the office. As soon as I got home, I started updating my resume which I had been planning to do anyways because of how things were going. I then sent out tons of applications and resumes. I ended up with an interview in a couple days. I told my boss I wouldn't be able to come in until monday. I really needed time to rest. This was either wednesday or thursday which meant I'd either miss 1 or 2 days of actual work and one day of putting everyones info together for monday. Some of that wouldn't even technically be using sick time. She asked if I was doing my sunday stuff and I said I wasn't going to be able to make it and she said then don't bother coming in monday... Thus began my month of unemployment. Fast forward. I'm now a nanny of a really cool 4-month old. I'm full-time and getting paid more by hour (though I'm technically salaried) than I was getting at pet and home care. Yay! My "job" is so easy. I play with him, feed him and then hang out while he naps, usually reading. I like the parents too. My job life is good.
I barely get to see Tim now though, which is not so exciting. I have about one day a week where he neither works nor has school in the evenings. Its not so fun, but I survive.
It seems that everyone I know is experiencing marital or dating problems, and who better to help than the unlicensed therapist Brianna! I've never dealt with marital issues before, but there's a first time for everything! It was lovely to hear from one of the husbands that their wife said not to tell me anything cuz I was a blabbermouth...that irritated me. Of course they had already told me things, so it was a bit too late...
I was kept up until 1am last night because I unfortunately answered a phone call that came at 11pm and they were a friend of one of my friends that's having problems. I only answered because I thought something was wrong with my friend. Oh how wrong I was and oh how much it cost me! I listened to various accounts of this friends child births and such before she got to the real point of her call. She decided she had to invite the poor wandering lost soul to a conference, because my "soul needed feeding" I really wanted to tell her how wonderfully sweet it was of her to tell me in what state my soul was. But I refrained. After awhile of going on in that vein, she told me she had heard that I'd moved all of my stuff out of my parents' house and how hard that must have been for me! I tried to convince her that it really was ok and I was more annoyed at trying to figure out where to put all of my stuff than that my last connection to the house was gone. Well that and I didn't like being surprised by my mother answering the door because dad decided to take a nap and not warn me... That was fun. She then told me how she completely understood how I feel about my mother because she has a not good father. The two really aren't the same situation at all. But I let her tell me that I would have a much better relationship with my mother if I would just realize that she won't change and that I can really only control my actions and not her reactions. I really at this point wanted to tell her to shove off and that yes I already realized that and this is why I do NOT have a relationship with her.... She was being incredibly officious and I wasn't appreciating it at all. But besides making annoyed faces and shooting myself in the head with my fingers I was very nice and kind. And then she decided to further tell me what I felt about the church and tell me that I obviously was having a crisis because I was going through a phase where I was wondering if I had gone to church all my life because it was just what my family did or because it was what I believed. Thank you indeed for telling me what I'm thinking! How amazing that without ever once asking me what I was thinking about the church etc you just magically know what I MUST be thinking!!!! (Sarcasm, deear reader, sarcasm) I had a very hard time responding with any semblance of civility. And then she went on to say that she's trying so hard to help children understand the gospel so that they will not go through such a crisis of faith. In other words trying to make sure no one else ends up like me. Because I'm such a very terrible person. Ya know with my 9 piercings and one tattoo. (Ok she only knows about 8 of those piercings and not the tattoo, but I'm sure I must be a terrible persob either way) oh and my "edgy" haircut. I'm so sick and tired of people judging me. Its ridiculous and makes me incredibly angry to be preached at. I was told she was sure I would one day come back to church and the truth. Once again, thank you oh so much! I was desperately trying to find a way to guide the conversation to an end without being incredibly rude and offensive...but she saved me the hassle by saying oh my its almost 1! I should let you sleep!!! I replied with such shock at the time, although I'd been watching it with dread for hours... I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she meant well, but I was really angry by the end of the call. So many things she said were truly offensive to me and even the belief that she didn't mean to insult me was not enough to keep me from feeling that I would in all probability ignore her calls from now on. It really wasn't worth it. But she can feel that she has done her duty by trying to get me back on the true path and so she will I'm sure sleep better at night. I, on the other hand am extra sleepy since she deprived me of much needed rest... I'm glad I'm able to restrain my sometimes quick tongue because I really have no wish to insult people, but it was really a trying experience and kept me from responding to a friend who was much more important and who was upset. (Sadly this phone doesn't allow me to send text messages while talking on the phone. I'm not sure why since all my other less "smart" phones did...)
My computer may quite possibly dead for the time being which is sucky. I shall now end my blog of irritation :)

Friday, July 16, 2010

Life as it be.

I realized in my groggy state that I haven't posted anything in awhile. So here we go. I finally moved into my end location of Tim's mom's old townhouse. So much stress involved. But its over now and I'm getting settled in. My friend Charlotte and her three cats and one guinea pig have also moved in. We're still trying to get everything put away and all that fun stuff. And yes that also means we have 7 animals in one house. Not as bad as it sounds. Her cats mostly stay downstairs and mine stay upstairs unless they feel brave. I have decided I have the most skittish cats ever. Jane has after over a month decided to finally go outside my room to the top of the steps right outside.... Austen is my hero and has ventured out several times, but he freaks out and runs (very floppily since he's kinda chubby...) Back upstairs if anyone moves. Poor thing. I also have discovered the danger of PetSmart. They have adoption things there. Two weeks ago I went to get some stuff for my cats and for Charlotte's and turned the wrong corner and came face to face with.....kittens. I decided to hold one.....and left having filled out an application to adopt her. Turns out we weren't meant to be together since I met another kitten when I went to do a home visit with the foster mom. I then stalked the adoption site of another pet smart last saturday and held the other kitten I met for over three hours straight! He's really a sweetie and I get to take him home probably tomorrow! His adoption name is Louie but I shall call him Gurgi. He's kinda funny looking. He's got a funny face and a long skinny tail. Which goes with his crazy long scrawny legs and huge feet. His fur isn't really soft kind of coarse and extremely short. I decided the kitten I originally planned to adopt would probably get adopted faster since there had already been one person interested in her. Louie aka Gurgi usually would hide when it was time to go to the adoption events. And he's just not typical kitty cuteness. But I love him.
In other news we had an earthquake this morning. I woke up at about 5am and thought the house was shaking. But I had just been woken up so I told myself I was just imagining it and it was just thunder. I heard an aftershock a bit later. But just convinced myself it was thunder because of course, we don't get earthquakes here.... So I wake up to a text message alert saying there had been an earthquake around 5am.... I was so glad I wasn't crazy :) I had looked out the window and just assumed we were getting a storm that hadn't hit yet. Ah good times. A 3.6 it was near Gaithersburg. No damage and no injuries so I hear. I keep surprising people with the news....
On to much less fun news! For the past several months I've had insane fatigue. I'm not quite sure what is causing it at all.. I've been to the hospital twice and they ruled out tons of things which is really frustrating. I personally think its mono. I was told by a dr in the er that you can absolutely get it again but that it is really hard to detect on a test. I've nearly collapsed so many times and I ended up actually collapsing at work last Tuesday. I couldn't get up off the floor. I stayed on the floor for over an hour until my boss, who happened to be in the area for once, came and took me to the hospital. They diagnosed me near syncope (near unconsiousness...) But they couldn't find anything wrong with me. They gave me fluids. It perked me up a little and I went home. A few hours later I was overcome with exhaustion again. So I went back to the hospital with a what in the world is wrong plea. More tests ruling out more things. More fluids. Sent home. I was told to take two days off to rest. Except the first of those two days I spent over two hours of it doing work. Not good. I was also given assignments to do around the house like cleaning up my partially unpacked room... So I got no rest on my days off, just more stress. I'm so completely exhausted but because I don't "look" sick everyone thinks I'm better. I'm really not sure what to do anymore but I have no energy at all. :( I go to work and push myself so far past what I should. I don't feel like I should even be working some days. I'm so unproductive and non-functional.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Updates and other Happy News

So first order of business is my promotion at work!!! YAY! They're getting rid of the worthless office worker and replacing her with me! Basically they're going to phase me out of the dog walking part and have me in the office mainly. I'm starting my training today which is awesome! I get $10/hr while I'm training and then after that it sounds like I jump up to $12/hr! :-) so many reasons to enjoy this! I won't have to be driving all around as much. Therefore not as much money wasted on gas. I may still do some visits which is ok cuz its more money. And I really like the other people in the office and they like me! My friend Charlotte is the one behind this. She basically made sure I got the gig which is awesome of her :-) this brings me to my next bit of news!
Shirley finally bought a house! So beginning of may I move in to her old townhouse! I get it all to myself until the beginning of july when Charlotte moves in with me! Grand total of 7 animals. 5 cats 1 hamster and 1 guinea pig... Should be fun. We have everything worked out where things are going and how were going to divide things like communal stuff. Basically until the wedding (which has yet to even start planning...grr) Charlotte is going to be living with me. I'm so excited. So far life seems to be looking up!

Saturday, February 27, 2010


So I'm fairly miserable today. Part of this is because I'm off my meds. I hav been for quite awhile and its awful. I'm sick of not feeling ok. I haven't been able to pay my rent myself for months. This great job I have hasn't been panning out well for me. I'm trying to find a new one. I want a salary so I won't be screwed over when things come up like being out of work for a whole week because of weather. I need to be able to pay my way in life but I haven't been able to at all. I've been driving over 100 miles a day with visits spread like 20 minutes at least apart. It isn't working out. I have to fill up my tank every other day. Its horrible. My last paycheck of $600 went this way. I took out like $240 for a car payment then I had to pay around $130 for past due amounts for my cell bill. Then there was like $50 I can't get refunded because neutrogena sucks and doesn't listen to me that I don't want their skincare regimen. The rest went to filling up my tank and paying for parking at a place I go. I bought fast food MAYBE twice. By yesterday when I got paid I just broke even. And by even I mean nothing in my account.I'd spent the last of the money on the stupid parking. So I got paid yesterday and I got about $480. Yay. I can spend that towards my rent, right? Wrong. Let's see how that plays out shall we? $330 went to more past due cell bill that I had to pay or I couldn't reconnect my cell phone. Then let's see, I also had to account for the almost 35 that hadn't been taken out yet for gas. So I can spend a bit of that on my rent, right? Nooooo because I need $20 for parking at least. More if they decide to turn that visit into a 30 minute one. Then I need enough money to account for having to fill up my stupid tank every other day. And no that is NOT an exagerration. Sadly. So I'm using all the money tim has and some of Shirley's. Nothing says hey you can trust me to rent your townhouse like borrowing money to pay for rent, right? The last thing she needs is another person that she has to support. I'm sick of being a burden on everyone. If I had the guts I'd kill myself, but I don't have the emotional ability to do that. That's sucky to realize that you feel that people would be better off without you around, but its how I feel. Pretty much completely despondent. I know I'm just really depressed. I need to get back on my meds. I need to find a new job. I want a government job. I want a salary and benefits. But the other crappy thing in my life is that I want to go to school. I can't. Even if dad paid for my books and tuition I can't afford to go to school. I still have bills and my rent to worry about that even if I had loans I wouldn't be able to make enough to survive. I just can't do anything I want. And that includes just making rent. Oh and paying people who want to sue me because I haven't paid my credit card bills. I can't afford to do that since rent and cell bills come first. I can't make those bills. I keep getting my cell turned off. They do it more constantly now. I keep telling them to just pay everything, but they won't do it! Its so obnoxious. I want it all to go away. I'm supposed to be moving into Shirley's townhouse. That's supposed to be great, but really how can I when I can't afford a rent that's $200 less? I've been looking for another job, but I haven't heard from anyone. At the point where you spend all your money basically on your job, the job isn't worth it at all. It sucks like crazy. I need to make this work, but I can't. But the jobs I've applied for are government and they take forever to get. I've applied to others but they don't seem to like that I won't work sundays. Seriously people? I give you EVERY other day of the week! What the hell do you people want from me? I really want to scream religious discrimination. But I'm not thinking that would work. I'm not sure what to do. I've cut back on everything. I'm really bummed that I can't even buy anything I just want.I used to spend too much. I'm the first to admit that, but really spending all my money on gas and parking? Not ok. I need a new place to work.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Anger and Frustration.

Soooo to put it mildly, this "bidding" on Grandma's things has gone just as badly as I thought it would. So much for optimism, my friends. I went against my better judgment and decided to be a part of this fiasco. I should have known better. I haven't had any adverse interaction with any of you guys, which is in line with what I expected. I just don't know what the point of my saying anything more is. I voice my opinion, but Peggy decides her own thing. I don't have children born or soon to be born for whom to claim things in proxy. I've had a couple bad days of this...ok since I started doing it. The night I decided to start looking through things, I started to bawl like a little girl. I finally ended up calling Tim so he could help me look, since I wasn't doing well on my own. Things went better. Then the next day magically things I really wanted were claimed as 10s and I knew I would never get them because I'm not important enough. I don't have a problem with people saying they might want things for their kids. Yes Bonnie Jean, I really like that green deer, but you can have it for your kid since that's what Peggy wants anyways. I would have said so myself that it was ok with me. I'm not out to grab everything away from everyone. I would just like to have some things for myself. Is this so much to ask that I get things I really want as long as I'm considerate to other people's feelings? I don't think so. But maybe I'm asking too much? I don't know why we can't settle these things amongst ourselves without interference? As long as there is no throat cutting or maiming, I'm good. I don't plan to be difficult and I know I'm the one people will be most concerned about. I am a little child after all. Which is obviously why we need a referee in the first place. Mean old Bri Bri might just haul off and start yelling at people! Because that's obviously just what I do. Never mind the fact that the last time that I yelled at either parent was before the family reunion because I wasn't going to be "allowed" to be at the super exclusive Hanton family events. I can pick and choose my battles now. Not everything is so urgent. It seems peggy will be dividing things up now. I don't anticipate actually getting the things I want. I've already given up things I wanted very much because I didn't feel like making a big deal. I'm very interested to see how things turn out from a masochistic view. This whole situation has been horrible. This morning I punched my bed so much I hurt my arm. I'm furious every time that I receive a notification that there is another comment. Almost every time it has been something to make me even more upset. I'm so done with this whole thing. peggy has done exactly what I expected her to do. Not in her favour at all. I am very tempted to call her up and yell and scream at her. I would love to. My stress levels would go back down, I think. But I know this wouldn't help me any. I wish I had the guts to beat her. But instead, I am backing down. I am NOT standing up for myself. I am letting her win because I have no choice. This isn't her family. She doesn't like them and they don't like her. I don't care if they are her in-laws. Martin will be my father-in-law, but I still don't like him, nor do I want anything to do with him. In-laws do not make a family. Perhaps I should assert myself, Charlotte keeps telling me that I should. What good would it do for me? It would merely reinforce the opinion that I try very hard and in vain to fight. I am not a child. I do not act like one. If I did then I would have told people off in the bidding. I didn't. I told Bethany, even after she decided that things I really wanted were her 10s that she could have them, even though I wanted them badly. It doesn't matter and this is what I have learned over and over again in my life. I do not matter. What I think and feel do not matter to the woman who, unfortunately for me, birthed me. I'm not angry at anyone who is likely to read this post...unless I'm being stalked in which case screw you. This is why I don't have contact with people. Why should I have contact with people that only want to control? I don't appreciate that. I'm done. I'm out. I don't matter. This is bullshit all of it.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

News and Such...

So let's start off with something happy, shall we? The long-awaited time is upon us!!! Namely, Tim has finally decided on a date for our nuptials! Soooooo Set aside August 13, 2011 and start figuring out how to mosey your way down to Arizona for it!! I don't know where in AZ it will be yet, though I'm partial to Prescott...cuz I'm a dork. There is a place there called Van Gogh's Ear that would thrill me to death out of hilarity...but its an art gallery so I'm not seeing it happening there... Sooooo YAY!!!

So Boo Boo is coming up in May so that we can start the whole planning process, especially the whole dress thing :-D I already have some of the general planning things in my mind, but nothing is down on paper yet, except the start of a guest list. My friend Charlotte is all excited about helping to plan the wedding since I'm going to have two maids of honour. Boo Boo has been my sister for so long now and Charlotte is quite oddly enough my other sister. I have two twins! Its so funny because Charlotte is almost 27 (happy bday to her tomorrow!!) So in the whole planning thing, I called Dad and asked if he would give me away. He said, Oh wow! I have a question. Will mom be invited? I felt my heart break a little inside. I wanted to yell and tell him this isn't about HER!!! The whole event is about the fact that I found a guy who for once treats me well and doesn't use me and that I love and loves me back. Its about promising to love each other forever and all that mushy stuff.....not about the woman who abused me and constantly made me feel worthless. But no, instead of saying or doing any of that, I explained that I thought it would be fair to have her there, not as part of the party, but a guest only if they were paying. I explained that it would be my way of giving back to dad mainly IF they paid. I said that if they weren't then I would have no reason to put myself through the hell that it will be for me to have her even near me and in that case she would not be invited. I think its a very fair compromise. In fact I would be giving up more than they would be in that situation. I would be giving up my peace of mind and comfort...They only have to part with money lol. Dad said that if she weren't invited he may not come to my wedding and thus certainly not give me away, since he would be home consoling his wife. Now maybe I sound a bit well evil...but she certainly didn't need consoling every night that she beat me and told me how I was stupid, dumb and pretty much all around worthless....sooo what changed? did they up her dose of prozac and it suddenly made her feel something? ok that was mean of me, but I'm mad and hurt. Sue me. Basically, what I'm feeling is that this event is NOT about her and how SHE feels. I wasn't dangling the whole I'll let her come IF you pay up as a way to get them to pay. I think its fair that they do, since they paid for Bethany's wedding which was a lot more to-do than I want for mine... and it would be great since otherwise it will be a very tiny ceremony and that's about it...I prolly wouldn't be able to even get a nice princess dress... Neither Tim nor I are exactly rolling in the dough... So I'm crossing my fingers that Dad decides that this is a fair compromise on my part. Its brought up a lot of negative memories on my part. I hate that. I feel like if all that was important to her is just to be able to witness the event, then it shouldn't be an issue. If she wants to have an active part in the whole thing then it would show her true purpose...which wouldn't be just to witness her last child (and obviously favourite...cuz she's proven that lol) get married then it isn't a big deal that she isn't a part of it in an active way at all.

One of my biggest concerns is how she'll behave. Besides the obvious fear that she will get completely smashed on all the booze that will be pouring around (note the sarcasm) I dread having her go around to EVERYONE on Tim's side like she did at Andy's wedding. That's so awkward to me. I mean I know Tim's family but I don't feel like she needs to get to know them...though having a wedding where no one talks to the other side feels weird.....but must it be her?? she would have a blast with Tim's aunt and uncle because they would get along politically so very well :-D....(blech) I'm annoyed about the fact that she will schmooze it up with Charlotte. Charlotte's ears are all pierced and her tongue is pierced and she has a tongue ring and for the moment, purple hair. She's awesome in my mind and i love her ink and piercings esp since well it's going to come out eventually....I have 7 piercings now. Not like I could hide that once the wedding comes around since most of them are in my ears. I have my lobes pierced which isn't news. I also have my cartilage in both ears pierced once and both my tragi ( are done. Charlotte and I got those done together a few weeks ago. I also have my navel pierced. That was about three years ago. Boo Boo and I got those done together. I said that I watched hers....but I didn't she watched mine then the piercer made me leave lol.... I don't really flaunt it about, so its not like everyone knows. Bethany saw it by accident and was surprisingly not evil about it. She said something like oh didn't that hurt? and whether it got caught on my belt. (the answer is not really the piercing part, more the healing when it got tugged because yes it would get caught in my belt) All of my piercings are healing well, thanks for asking :-P Dad knows about them all and well isn't very impressed and is probably pretty disappointed. I suppose I would rather have that then not to get something that I want because I'm afraid to have people see. I am the person that I am. I don't want to hide it anymore. I like tattoos and I like piercings. Actually, for all I know Bethany could have mentioned my belly ring, so at least that wouldn't be a surprise...oh well. OH my point was that she's one of my two best friends (which is strange since I've known her for MAYBE 6 months...) and I know that mom will judge her and I mostly don't want her to have to deal with that crap. She knows about it, so that won't be a thing. But still....

Its like ten here, so I should stop my ranting, I suppose. Wish me luck and I really want all.....two of the people that will read this to be there!! and you know you could bring your spouses if you reeeeaaaallllly want.... :-D

Andy this would be a wonderful time for you to reunite with Brian Haun....I KNOW he would be soooo excited to see the guy who pulled so many pranks on him in high school!!! (he actually doesn't remember you or the pranks at all....prolly had too many to remember...) and Justin! you can have fun discussing Aspergers with Shirley! (that's Tim's mom) I'm sure it will be quite obvious to you that that is what dear Brian has....Life will be fun...

On a happy note, I will leave you guys with a shot of my cats! Jane is the orange one and Austen is the gray one...I loves them!!!

Oh...I also have very little hair on my head...