Saturday, November 29, 2014


"Someone in your life has broken the rules." I heard this on a show that I was just watching. A young teenage girl came in for therapy. It's fairly clear that her coach is abusing her. This sentence hit home to me so hard. Parts of an evaluation were read. "Independent, intelligent, highly sensitive." The episode ended and I sobbed. I thought of myself when I was young and wanted to go back and hold her. I wanted to tell her that things would work out well. I wanted to tell her to get help. I wanted to tell her that she didn't do anything wrong. I wanted to tell her how strong and brave she was and that she deserved more. I wanted to tell her that she was everything that I am now; that all that was inside me and one day I would get out and become an incredible woman. I wanted to tell her that she was already this person. I wanted to tell her that it was OK to be angry and that it was OK to be furious. It was OK to want to die, but that things would be better one day. I wanted to beg her to find someone to listen and to help -- truly help, not enable the abuse. 

I handle things so well, most days. I have things well-managed with my medication and I appreciate that. But some days I feel a deep pain inside. Today was one of those days. This week has been one of those weeks. There's so much pain in this world and I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how I can help and I so very much want to help. I feel like the problems are all too big and massive to be able to really do anything. All I can do right now seems to be to continue to look everyone I meet in the eye and somehow try to convey that they have worth.

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