So Boo Boo is coming up in May so that we can start the whole planning process, especially the whole dress thing :-D I already have some of the general planning things in my mind, but nothing is down on paper yet, except the start of a guest list. My friend Charlotte is all excited about helping to plan the wedding since I'm going to have two maids of honour. Boo Boo has been my sister for so long now and Charlotte is quite oddly enough my other sister. I have two twins! Its so funny because Charlotte is almost 27 (happy bday to her tomorrow!!) So in the whole planning thing, I called Dad and asked if he would give me away. He said, Oh wow! I have a question. Will mom be invited? I felt my heart break a little inside. I wanted to yell and tell him this isn't about HER!!! The whole event is about the fact that I found a guy who for once treats me well and doesn't use me and that I love and loves me back. Its about promising to love each other forever and all that mushy stuff.....not about the woman who abused me and constantly made me feel worthless. But no, instead of saying or doing any of that, I explained that I thought it would be fair to have her there, not as part of the party, but a guest only if they were paying. I explained that it would be my way of giving back to dad mainly IF they paid. I said that if they weren't then I would have no reason to put myself through the hell that it will be for me to have her even near me and in that case she would not be invited. I think its a very fair compromise. In fact I would be giving up more than they would be in that situation. I would be giving up my peace of mind and comfort...They only have to part with money lol. Dad said that if she weren't invited he may not come to my wedding and thus certainly not give me away, since he would be home consoling his wife. Now maybe I sound a bit well evil...but she certainly didn't need consoling every night that she beat me and told me how I was stupid, dumb and pretty much all around worthless....sooo what changed? did they up her dose of prozac and it suddenly made her feel something? ok that was mean of me, but I'm mad and hurt. Sue me. Basically, what I'm feeling is that this event is NOT about her and how SHE feels. I wasn't dangling the whole I'll let her come IF you pay up as a way to get them to pay. I think its fair that they do, since they paid for Bethany's wedding which was a lot more to-do than I want for mine... and it would be great since otherwise it will be a very tiny ceremony and that's about it...I prolly wouldn't be able to even get a nice princess dress... Neither Tim nor I are exactly rolling in the dough... So I'm crossing my fingers that Dad decides that this is a fair compromise on my part. Its brought up a lot of negative memories on my part. I hate that. I feel like if all that was important to her is just to be able to witness the event, then it shouldn't be an issue. If she wants to have an active part in the whole thing then it would show her true purpose...which wouldn't be just to witness her last child (and obviously favourite...cuz she's proven that lol) get married then it isn't a big deal that she isn't a part of it in an active way at all.
One of my biggest concerns is how she'll behave. Besides the obvious fear that she will get completely smashed on all the booze that will be pouring around (note the sarcasm) I dread having her go around to EVERYONE on Tim's side like she did at Andy's wedding. That's so awkward to me. I mean I know Tim's family but I don't feel like she needs to get to know them...though having a wedding where no one talks to the other side feels weird.....but must it be her?? she would have a blast with Tim's aunt and uncle because they would get along politically so very well :-D....(blech) I'm annoyed about the fact that she will schmooze it up with Charlotte. Charlotte's ears are all pierced and her tongue is pierced and she has a tongue ring and for the moment, purple hair. She's awesome in my mind and i love her ink and piercings esp since well it's going to come out eventually....I have 7 piercings now. Not like I could hide that once the wedding comes around since most of them are in my ears. I have my lobes pierced which isn't news. I also have my cartilage in both ears pierced once and both my tragi (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tragus_piercing) are done. Charlotte and I got those done together a few weeks ago. I also have my navel pierced. That was about three years ago. Boo Boo and I got those done together. I said that I watched hers....but I didn't she watched mine then the piercer made me leave lol.... I don't really flaunt it about, so its not like everyone knows. Bethany saw it by accident and was surprisingly not evil about it. She said something like oh didn't that hurt? and whether it got caught on my belt. (the answer is not really the piercing part, more the healing when it got tugged because yes it would get caught in my belt) All of my piercings are healing well, thanks for asking :-P Dad knows about them all and well isn't very impressed and is probably pretty disappointed. I suppose I would rather have that then not to get something that I want because I'm afraid to have people see. I am the person that I am. I don't want to hide it anymore. I like tattoos and I like piercings. Actually, for all I know Bethany could have mentioned my belly ring, so at least that wouldn't be a surprise...oh well. OH my point was that she's one of my two best friends (which is strange since I've known her for MAYBE 6 months...) and I know that mom will judge her and I mostly don't want her to have to deal with that crap. She knows about it, so that won't be a thing. But still....
Its like ten here, so I should stop my ranting, I suppose. Wish me luck and I really want all.....two of the people that will read this to be there!! and you know you could bring your spouses if you reeeeaaaallllly want.... :-D
Andy this would be a wonderful time for you to reunite with Brian Haun....I KNOW he would be soooo excited to see the guy who pulled so many pranks on him in high school!!! (he actually doesn't remember you or the pranks at all....prolly had too many to remember...) and Justin! you can have fun discussing Aspergers with Shirley! (that's Tim's mom) I'm sure it will be quite obvious to you that that is what dear Brian has....Life will be fun...
On a happy note, I will leave you guys with a shot of my cats! Jane is the orange one and Austen is the gray one...I loves them!!!
Oh...I also have very little hair on my head...
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