Monday, September 20, 2010

Life's Good and Bad...

So its been a little while since I updated, of course. Life has been kinda turned around... So I think I blogged about, or at least told people about how horrible my last job was... It came to a head after I got back from finishing a horrid overnight where I basically didn't sleep the whole 6 days because I couldn't get comfortable anywhere or cuz the dogs would bark incessantly. The last night I was there, I discovered one of the dogs had peed inside......again. And this was about 20 mintues after taking them out. So I was up quite late cleaning it up. Blah. Then the owners came home about 6am and really were neithr trying to be quiet themselves nor attempting to quiet the dogs. So then I go into work extra exhausted on top of my mono-esque exhaustion. I look at the time sheet at the office and my boss had decided I didn't deserve to be paid for two days that I had taken off that I had been told WERE going to be paid, since that's the policy. Except for employees who make mistakes and owe money as I was soon told. No one else was in the office, so I proceeded to flip out. After all the crap my boss had done to me, this was the last straw. I had been counting on that money and wouldn't have taken the days off if they weren't to be paid! So my boss eventually strolls in to the office and I tell her I can't take the crap she's doing to me and that I'm taking a sick day. I was told I didn't get any sick days because I hadn't "earned" them. I worked my butt off for that company, and I'm sorry but yes I had earned them and beyond that, it is in the contract that you get 4 sick days a year. I'd taken one. Ever. So I gathered my things and left the office. As soon as I got home, I started updating my resume which I had been planning to do anyways because of how things were going. I then sent out tons of applications and resumes. I ended up with an interview in a couple days. I told my boss I wouldn't be able to come in until monday. I really needed time to rest. This was either wednesday or thursday which meant I'd either miss 1 or 2 days of actual work and one day of putting everyones info together for monday. Some of that wouldn't even technically be using sick time. She asked if I was doing my sunday stuff and I said I wasn't going to be able to make it and she said then don't bother coming in monday... Thus began my month of unemployment. Fast forward. I'm now a nanny of a really cool 4-month old. I'm full-time and getting paid more by hour (though I'm technically salaried) than I was getting at pet and home care. Yay! My "job" is so easy. I play with him, feed him and then hang out while he naps, usually reading. I like the parents too. My job life is good.
I barely get to see Tim now though, which is not so exciting. I have about one day a week where he neither works nor has school in the evenings. Its not so fun, but I survive.
It seems that everyone I know is experiencing marital or dating problems, and who better to help than the unlicensed therapist Brianna! I've never dealt with marital issues before, but there's a first time for everything! It was lovely to hear from one of the husbands that their wife said not to tell me anything cuz I was a blabbermouth...that irritated me. Of course they had already told me things, so it was a bit too late...
I was kept up until 1am last night because I unfortunately answered a phone call that came at 11pm and they were a friend of one of my friends that's having problems. I only answered because I thought something was wrong with my friend. Oh how wrong I was and oh how much it cost me! I listened to various accounts of this friends child births and such before she got to the real point of her call. She decided she had to invite the poor wandering lost soul to a conference, because my "soul needed feeding" I really wanted to tell her how wonderfully sweet it was of her to tell me in what state my soul was. But I refrained. After awhile of going on in that vein, she told me she had heard that I'd moved all of my stuff out of my parents' house and how hard that must have been for me! I tried to convince her that it really was ok and I was more annoyed at trying to figure out where to put all of my stuff than that my last connection to the house was gone. Well that and I didn't like being surprised by my mother answering the door because dad decided to take a nap and not warn me... That was fun. She then told me how she completely understood how I feel about my mother because she has a not good father. The two really aren't the same situation at all. But I let her tell me that I would have a much better relationship with my mother if I would just realize that she won't change and that I can really only control my actions and not her reactions. I really at this point wanted to tell her to shove off and that yes I already realized that and this is why I do NOT have a relationship with her.... She was being incredibly officious and I wasn't appreciating it at all. But besides making annoyed faces and shooting myself in the head with my fingers I was very nice and kind. And then she decided to further tell me what I felt about the church and tell me that I obviously was having a crisis because I was going through a phase where I was wondering if I had gone to church all my life because it was just what my family did or because it was what I believed. Thank you indeed for telling me what I'm thinking! How amazing that without ever once asking me what I was thinking about the church etc you just magically know what I MUST be thinking!!!! (Sarcasm, deear reader, sarcasm) I had a very hard time responding with any semblance of civility. And then she went on to say that she's trying so hard to help children understand the gospel so that they will not go through such a crisis of faith. In other words trying to make sure no one else ends up like me. Because I'm such a very terrible person. Ya know with my 9 piercings and one tattoo. (Ok she only knows about 8 of those piercings and not the tattoo, but I'm sure I must be a terrible persob either way) oh and my "edgy" haircut. I'm so sick and tired of people judging me. Its ridiculous and makes me incredibly angry to be preached at. I was told she was sure I would one day come back to church and the truth. Once again, thank you oh so much! I was desperately trying to find a way to guide the conversation to an end without being incredibly rude and offensive...but she saved me the hassle by saying oh my its almost 1! I should let you sleep!!! I replied with such shock at the time, although I'd been watching it with dread for hours... I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she meant well, but I was really angry by the end of the call. So many things she said were truly offensive to me and even the belief that she didn't mean to insult me was not enough to keep me from feeling that I would in all probability ignore her calls from now on. It really wasn't worth it. But she can feel that she has done her duty by trying to get me back on the true path and so she will I'm sure sleep better at night. I, on the other hand am extra sleepy since she deprived me of much needed rest... I'm glad I'm able to restrain my sometimes quick tongue because I really have no wish to insult people, but it was really a trying experience and kept me from responding to a friend who was much more important and who was upset. (Sadly this phone doesn't allow me to send text messages while talking on the phone. I'm not sure why since all my other less "smart" phones did...)
My computer may quite possibly dead for the time being which is sucky. I shall now end my blog of irritation :)

6 comments:

CrouchingOwl said...

Ouch, I'm sorry. I wish you had more in way of a support network with 2 ears and 1 mouth, figuratively speaking. And, how to say this right? Understand that intimately talking about subjects in a way in which strong judgements are implied is a trust and a privilige that is earned rather than a duty that you perform at someone. It's so hard sometimes when people are so busy responding to their own needs that they don't have a clue what yours are.

And all the getting to be the unlicenced therapist stuff... It's too complicated to say anything simply about. One loves to help, but we only have so much to give. Then we give some more, because that's just who we are. And sometimes it feels like we just have to pull everything back in and focus on ourselves. Don't let everyone overstretch you too much:

CrouchingOwl said...

Ouch, I'm sorry. I wish you had more in way of a support network with 2 ears and 1 mouth, figuratively speaking. And, how to say this right? Understand that intimately talking about subjects in a way in which strong judgements are implied is a trust and a privilige that is earned rather than a duty that you perform at someone. It's so hard sometimes when people are so busy responding to their own needs that they don't have a clue what yours are.

And all the getting to be the unlicenced therapist stuff... It's too complicated to say anything simply about. One loves to help, but we only have so much to give. Then we give some more, because that's just who we are. And sometimes it feels like we just have to pull everything back in and focus on ourselves. Don't let everyone overstretch you too much:

CrouchingOwl said...

Ouch, I'm sorry. I wish you had more in way of a support network with 2 ears and 1 mouth, figuratively speaking. And, how to say this right? Understand that intimately talking about subjects in a way in which strong judgements are implied is a trust and a privilige that is earned rather than a duty that you perform at someone. It's so hard sometimes when people are so busy responding to their own needs that they don't have a clue what yours are.

And all the getting to be the unlicenced therapist stuff... It's too complicated to say anything simply about. One loves to help, but we only have so much to give. Then we give some more, because that's just who we are. And sometimes it feels like we just have to pull everything back in and focus on ourselves. Don't let everyone overstretch you too much:

CrouchingOwl said...

Ouch, I'm sorry. I wish you had more in way of a volunteering support network with 2 ears and 1 mouth, figuratively speaking. And, how to say this right? Understand that intimately talking about subjects in a way in which strong judgments are implied is a trust and a privilege that is earned rather than a duty that you perform at someone. It's so hard sometimes when people are so busy responding to their own needs that they don't have a clue what yours are.

And all the getting to be the unlicensed therapist stuff... It's too complicated to say anything simply about. One loves to help, but we only have so much to give. Then we give some more, because that's just who we are. And sometimes it feels like we just have to pull everything back in and focus on ourselves. Don't let everyone overstretch you too much:) Good luck.

sleepyhamster said...

In all honesty, I have people I could go to for support. I just don't. Its never been in my nature to seek it. I'm the one who is sought. Its been my role since I was in middle school. The one time I sought support years ago, I was viciously stabbed in the back. I've gotten a lot of lectures from people lately about how I should have come to them when I've needed help and I've had to explain that I rarely think of it. There was a stark contrast in the way this woman told me how I was feeling about church parents etc and going over to see meg and her husband and being asked my feelings. And asked in a kind non-judgmental way. If people ask instead of telling me how I feel then there really isn't much I'll hide. My life is a fairly open book.but when you just start assuming and being ncredibly rude about it, I'm not telling anything. She meant well I'm sure. It seems she's my visiting teacher and her telling me that made me more inclined to see her talking to me as a duty. Call me to chat? Fine. Call me to preach? I'm unlikely to answer your calls anymore. Just how I work.
I don't mind being therapist for the most part. I view my ability to help others as a gift and I give as generously as I can. I do sometimes get a little jaded and withdraw, but its usually when I'm dealing with stupidity. I have a low tolerance for people who make stupid choices and then expect sympathy. I'll help to a point, but after a bit I will stop. Like with shirley and her problems with brian and denise. She knows what to do, but she refuses to do it. Laying down strict boundaries, etc. She won't do it. Probably she will die with denise there unless she finds a guy who will marry her and take her off shirleys hands. I sympathise with her plight, but she's bringing it on herself. Therefore I have stopped helping. I wish we lived closer, it would be lovely to actually see you.

sleepyhamster said...

In all honesty, I have people I could go to for support. I just don't. Its never been in my nature to seek it. I'm the one who is sought. Its been my role since I was in middle school. The one time I sought support years ago, I was viciously stabbed in the back. I've gotten a lot of lectures from people lately about how I should have come to them when I've needed help and I've had to explain that I rarely think of it. There was a stark contrast in the way this woman told me how I was feeling about church parents etc and going over to see meg and her husband and being asked my feelings. And asked in a kind non-judgmental way. If people ask instead of telling me how I feel then there really isn't much I'll hide. My life is a fairly open book.but when you just start assuming and being ncredibly rude about it, I'm not telling anything. She meant well I'm sure. It seems she's my visiting teacher and her telling me that made me more inclined to see her talking to me as a duty. Call me to chat? Fine. Call me to preach? I'm unlikely to answer your calls anymore. Just how I work.
I don't mind being therapist for the most part. I view my ability to help others as a gift and I give as generously as I can. I do sometimes get a little jaded and withdraw, but its usually when I'm dealing with stupidity. I have a low tolerance for people who make stupid choices and then expect sympathy. I'll help to a point, but after a bit I will stop. Like with shirley and her problems with brian and denise. She knows what to do, but she refuses to do it. Laying down strict boundaries, etc. She won't do it. Probably she will die with denise there unless she finds a guy who will marry her and take her off shirleys hands. I sympathise with her plight, but she's bringing it on herself. Therefore I have stopped helping. I wish we lived closer, it would be lovely to actually see you.